Mailbag: I don’t know what to eat anymore. Where have you been?

Hi,

I enjoy your e-blog very much, but you haven not posted much lately.  I have been through all your old post and ran out of Crosschips options.  I don’t know what to eat anymore.  Where have you been?  Did you die?

- Ed Debevic

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Hello Ed,

Excellent question and NO I did not die.  I’m a professional Crosschipper buddy, get that straight.  I may have the most unhealthy diet known to man but I do have an excellent team of doctors and other trained Crosschippers at my side to get me through the day.  Also, aren’t you a restaurant, Ed Debevic?  Let me help you out for the day with a new CROSSCHIPS!  (posted above).

Mailbag Question: What can I do to make sure I gain the weight I need? (10 lbs)

Dear Crosschips

I love your blog but I have one problem with it. I've been following your regimen like the bible since it started but I've only gained 5 pounds. Normally I wouldn't mind this but I need to get back to my high school football playing weight (in which I made 18 tackles in a game) by my high school reunion in 2 weeks to impress my old friends. (I currently need 10 added pounds to make that weight). So as you can see 5 pounds is NOT GOOD ENOUGH and UNACCEPTABLE. What can I do to make sure I gain the weight I need?

Hope you can help keep up the good work

Blueseoul

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Thanks for the e-question Blueseou. Excellent question in our epinion.

With a quality management system any Crosschipper can eat the required Crosschips for the day and gain only a little bit of weight. This management system is known as "metabolism". To slow down this "metabolism" and put on the LB's needed to match your ex-hottie, now 40 lbs overweight ex-girlfriends you need to do the following.

1. Double up your Crosschips regime and follow through with it.

2. Don’t exercise and cut back your activity significantly. Try staying on the couch at all times. Watch lots of TV & Movies.

3. Avoid metabolic activating foods such as green tea or any other organic low calorie treat.

4. Eat foods with high calorie content. You can find plenty of them in this POST.

5. Eat before bedtime. Your body does it's least amount of fat burning while you sleep. That is why the 4th meal is crucial to all Crosschippers.

6. Over do the caffeine. Lot's of sugary soda's will get the job done, stay away from coffee because it has some healthy benefits that you don't need.

I hope this helps you out for your little event. Nice work on the 18 tackles in 1 game also, you must have been a 5* recruit with great pad level at one point in time. Or not, just epinion.

CrosschipsBT: "Gain 10 lbs good for PAD LEVEL but also GUT LEVEL."

Thanks for stopping by.

Mailbag Question: How can I keep myself from having another heart attack?

Hey,
I recently did your "I AM CROSSCHIPS" Crosschips and ended up having a heart attack. Thankfully I was near a hospital and pulled through. I was wondering if you had any tips to help me next time my heart feels like it's about to explode? I love your e-blog but I don't love the heart attack feeling. Or death.
-Gerg
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Thanks for your e-question.

I believe the post you are refering to is this one. It seems difficult at first glance, but if you know your body well enough, it can be done. I'm e-ssuming you used a difficult type of food, something filling, fattening and extremely greasy. This is strictly for professional crosschippers like myself, Charles Weis, John Daly, John Jonathan Madden, etc... We can get that workout done with 13 double bacon cheeseburgers if we wanted to.

Here are my suggestions to keep yourself from heart failure / death.
1. eat lighter foods. For example, instead of a Cheeseburger, have a fried chicken sandwich. Instead of a glazed jelly donut, have either a glazed or jelly donut, not the combo.
2. Drink plenty of fluids. Water is what the "health experts" recommend, but I say trade in that Budweiser for Bud Light. It's lighter on your aching heart, which is a big "W".
3. Add Garlic to everything. Garlic is known to make food delicious but also heart healthy. This will boost the strength of your heart when it has to pump chocolate clotted blood through your arteries. It's very crucial to an excellent Crosschips lifestyle.
4. Bayer Aspirin:

5. It’s completely against everything Crosschips is about (consumption) but when you feel like you are about to burst and your left arm is in serious pain (sign of a heart attack), you stick your finger down that throat of yours and let it all out and start over. Nothing like a clean slate (stomach) will kick start that heart back up any better.
I hope these suggestions will help you out. I would also suggest seeing a doctor, it's SCIENCE.

Mailbag Question: Why come so much cheap food?

Hi! I enjoy your e-blog very much but I make lots of monies and enjoy things like crab & scallops or even some caviar. I also enjoy champagne and not beers. Will you have a Crosschips that features fine foods? Why come so much cheap food?

Thanks,
D'natashia

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Thanks for the e-question.

At Crosschips we try to appeal to the every day eater. Only a small majority of Crosschippers can afford food items that COST THIS MUCH and if you feel the need to have some crab tails instead of chicken wings, you go right ahead and make that switch. The rest of us who work 60 hour weeks and make just enough income to get by will stick to our basic Crosschips regime and hope and pray we don't get laid off or fired due to this dump of an economy.

CrosschipsBT: "I take THICK hot dog over tiny fried SCALLOPS ALL DAY. Just Epinion."

FOOTBALL SEASON IS ONLY 43 DAYS AWAY!!!!!!!!!!-look forward to tailgating Crosschips & What-nots.