YES!!!!!!!
NO!
YES!!!
NO!!!
YES!!!
NOOO!!!!!
YESSSS!!!
NOOOOOO!
So, here is the deal. For today's Crosschips build yourself a boat of food!!! Eat it for your best time. This Nautical entree must be a minimum of 3 pounds of food product. Good luck and good boating!!!!!!!
CrosschipsBT: “I prefer STERN of boat because ME LOVES ASS.”
Holy Chips! MICH almost lost to Indiana at home. The spread was 21 by kick off and they pulled off a nice win to send me into a 3am rant about CROSSCHIPS! Is this a good thing? CrosschipsBT doesn’t approve. “Crosschips best early, BADT LATE.” So, as we always disregard everything he says, we must proceed with some SUNDAY FUNDAY CROSSCHIPS!!!
Alright kids, here it is. I know most of us have fantasy football teams, if you don’t you know someone who does. It’s a point game. If your fantasy team (or someone you know) puts up X amount of points you drink that many swigs of brewdoggs, or whatever it may be you drink on Sundays. It’s time to burn some cals so I suggest you go with a delicious Miller Lite, as I will. LETS GO LIONS!!!!!! OW!!!
MICH is hosting the Indiana Hoosiers this weekend for the start of their B10 conference matchups. What a better way to celebrate by having 11 tailgating essentials related to all 11 Big Ten teams!
Illinois: ICE --- The fighting Illini bring literally nothing to the conference this year. I’m not even sure they won a game yet. For that, they can be ICE. It keeps your beverage cold and when you run out of napkins, you clean the shit off your hands with it.
Indiana: Cheese Puffs: --- Sure their 3-0 rolling into A2 this weekend, but when the pressure is on, they crack and crumble into a worthless powder. Regardless of that, we still enjoy them even though they give you orange finger tips. How does that relate? Don’t ask.
Iowa: CORN: --- Grilled corn is always good. It’s cheap and easy to execute. Iowa, as we all know, is in the middle of a giant corn field. They sell Cola and Corn Cob Combos at Kinnick Stadium, so why not load up on their cheap produce and butter it up for some Crosschips.
Michigan: The Grill: --- It may have been low on propane last year, but in 2009 we loaded up at the Home Depot down south. It takes any Crosschips product or opponent and cooks the shit out of them with burning speed. The #1 essential item to a quality Crosschips tailgate.
Michigan State: CHIPS: --- Everyone likes chips and we all sure as hell like that M$U lost to the CHIPS (Central MICH) this year. We all stand around the tailgate, saying CHIPS and LOL’ing at their expense. Oh poor Sparty. HA.
Minnesota: Donuts: --- Our fat gophers to the north have long winters and to keep warm they pack on the pounds with these delectable breakfast treats. Let’s join them as we crack a beer at 7am.
Northwestern: Designated Driver: --- These Wildcats are smart. So smart in fact that it’s a good idea to befriend a few to tailgate with. They will not drink and then drive you home in your drunken state. The key is to pound a few earlier so they are obligated to be the DD. Love those smart kids.
Ohio State: BEER: --- As much as we hate these $UCKEYE$, they sure as hell can drink beer. For the past few years, they have been the guy no body can out-drink in the conference. Beer is obviously key to the tailgate and you better bring a lot of them to drown out your sorrows of the always possible loss to some cupcake of a program.
Penn State: Burgers & Dogs: --- Always good, but sometimes one may be a little under or over cooked, leaving a bad taste in your mouth. It’s always best when you cook them at home, because MICH has won the last 5 games at home since 1997.
Purdue: Whisky: --- Nothing starts off a tailgate like a good Boilermaker and Purdue has been known to “BOILER UP!” as the Boilermakers. When Purdue comes to town, it’s always a good time. MICH hasn’t lost to Purdon’t at home since 1965.
Wisconsin: Cheese & Crackers: --- We all know the state of Wisconsin is making cheese hand over fist, no idea what that means, but they have shit tons of cheese up there. Cheese may be “elegant” or “fancy” as some MICH tailgating jokes go, but you can’t go wrong with this finger food. Just don’t eat it while you drink a glass of White Zin, we arn’t at a Stanford tailgate Crosschippers.
So enjoy your Saturday Crosschippers!!!!!!!!!! LET’S GO BLUE!!!
don’t forget to post-tailgate!!!!
It’s mid September and Fall is upon us. The leaves are changing colors, the temperature is falling and people are warming their hands up next to a bright crackling camp fire (or in East Lansing, a burning couch because of their recent loss to the CHIPS!).
Nothing beats a camp fire in the fall to keep you warm while staying warm in the outside elements with family and friends. But it’s never a real campfire with out making the beloved S’more. (Also peeing on the fire to put it out, but that happens later.)
A fellow e-friend sent me this link to a page of 17 EXTREME S’mores. Most of which I would eat, no question, Jim. So I will put up some pictures of my favorites, the ones I plan on Crosschipping this evening.
Crosschips for the day: Minimum of 10 S’mores for your best time.
6 LAYERS
WITH CHIPS!
BAAAAAAAACON!!!!!!!
Strawberry!
Peanut butter COOKIE S’MOOOOOOORE
S'MOREGASBORD!
Have fun!
This video is the last drive by MICH in a unbelievable comeback win over #18 Notre Dame. Final Score, 38-34. Tate Jonathan Forcier could not be stopped by these golden domer$. This kid sweats pure grit and can really make some plays. Gotta give him some credit. Yeeeeeeah MICH!
You will notice in spots, Notre Dame’s coach, Charlie Weis. Who am I kidding, it’s impossible to miss the guy. He is 800+ lbs. of fat stuffed in betwixt more skin rolls of pure buttery fat. It’s hard for me to fathom how a person of his proportion can be taken seriously as a coach of anything other than bowling or maybe front-butt competitions. He may be a Crosschipper, but he puts us to shame and I will explain.
There’s a line drawn between indulging and over indulging. Though this line may be very gray here at Crosschips, but we do know when to say enough is enough. Charles Weis on the other hand is a Crosschipsaholic. That’s right, it’s a real word. Here at Crosschips it is at least. There’s a difference between liking to go out and crush some brewdoggers and consistently crushing brewdoggers. At some point we all reach a threshold where we can say “good enough.” Charlie Weis does not stop there and never will, he looks down at his 6th plate that he just licked clean and thinks “Not good enough”, over and over and over again.
Now I know what you are thinking; “They are only knocking Charlie Weis’ extreme fatness because he is the coach of Notre Dame, a MICHigan rival.” Yes, this is true. But has any of our Crosschips ordered you to eat more often then breathing? NO.
FACT: Charlie Weis eats more than he breaths. (His headphones are connected to a food processor that continually pumps him a gravy mixture of Steak, Big Macs, French Fries, Dr. Pibb and Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. See below:
FACT: Charle Weis has his own buffet set up in every locker room he goes to. This is the one at Notre Dame. See below:
FACT: During team meetings before the games, “coach” Weis does not answer any actual questions. He only asks for more refills and thinks about food out loud while eating. Here is a transcript taken from the team meeting before the Michigan game this Saturday.
Sergio Brown, S: “Coach, Sergio Brown here, should we be worried about any deep passes coming from Tate Forcier?”
Charlie Weis: “Yes, more brown sugar please. That would be good for these waffles.”
Mike Golic Jr., C: “Coach, should Jimmah and I get some practice reps in before the game?”
CW: “Who is that? Golic? Didn’t your dad join up with Nutrisystems or something? Tell him he’s a pussy.”
Jimmah Clausen, QB: “Here’s 6 more plates of Bacon, coach.”
CW: “That’s why you are starting. You should all learn a lesson from this smart young lady.”
Golden Tate, WR: “Hey coach, can you explain to me again on what coverage we are going to pass the ball deep.”
CW: “How about you go deep and get Charlie some of those biscuits.”
Shaquelle Evans, WR: “Coach, can I get some playing time today? I’m ready to catch a lot of passes!”
CW: “You know something. Hold on (Takes a pancake, wraps it around six pieces of sausage pours syrup and honey on it and eats it in two bites). I once out ate Shaquelle O’neal in that show of his, “Shaq Vs.” or whatever. The directors said they wouldn’t air it because I Finished my portion in 4 minutes. Not enough film to fill the hour I guess. What was your question little Shaq?”
FACT: Charlie Weis sleeps with an I.V. of chocolate milkshake. This is to not only keep his fat fat, but cool his body temperature so his heart doesn’t explode.
-----------------
So, with that being said, Crosschips frowns upon this mountain of a man because he abuses his Crosschipping ability like a crack addict on his birthday.
Crosschips is meant to be fun and challenging for all who wish to partake, it isn’t supposed to separate you from others and turn into the ONLY thing in your life.
CrosschipsBT: “For all the Crosschips out there; continue to Crosschips HARD but also SMART. e-fact.”
Me: Charming, articulate and intelligent.
You: A good baker, likes to take care of her man with frequent care packages.
I am the only guy on craigslist who is not looking for sex or female companionship. Those I can get. There is however one thing missing in my life of late. Ever since breaking up with my long distance girlfriend, the amount of unsolicited baked goods arriving in my mailbox has dropped precipitously. Given my relative lack of baking skills and my propensity to avoid paying for food, I figured the most rational solution was to find another long distance girlfriend who enjoys surprising her man with frequent care packages (chocolate chip cookies and rice krispies treats are by far the best).
The exchange is simple. You provide regular care package service and in return I provide emotional support, validation and the occasional, "You're right! They *are* just jealous!" I'll be the boyfriend that Disney's soulless corporate machine has convinced you you want. Your parents will be happy you finally found someone, your friends and coworkers will be jealous that you have a guy who doesn't routinely try to slip it in the "oops hole," and your stalkers (should you have any) will shake their fists in impotent rage. As long as you're not hung up on tangibility, it's a relationship with everything you could want or need.
Fatties, uggos and the horribly disfigured are encouraged to apply! I don't care what you look like because I'll never see what you look like. Tell me you're the most beautiful woman in the world if it makes you feel better, just don't send pictures.
Exclusivity is not part of the deal. I intend to date other women during our association and it would be hypocritical of me to deny you the same freedom. Go out clubbing every Saturday night and sleep with a different guy each time if you like, just remember to get the cookies in the mail by 5:00 because the post office isn't open on Sundays. I have no allergies, so feel free to extend your experimentation to recipes and ingredients as well.
I live in Los Angeles but am posting this in Dallas because it's close enough to keep shipping charges down but far enough away that you'll never be tempted to track me down in real life. Also, going by the maxim "everything is bigger in Texas" I'm hoping there will be enough baked goods to share with friends.
Good luck and I hope to hear from you lovely ladies soon!
