LINK HERE:LINK
Story:
Me: Charming, articulate and intelligent.
You: A good baker, likes to take care of her man with frequent care packages.
I am the only guy on craigslist who is not looking for sex or female companionship. Those I can get. There is however one thing missing in my life of late. Ever since breaking up with my long distance girlfriend, the amount of unsolicited baked goods arriving in my mailbox has dropped precipitously. Given my relative lack of baking skills and my propensity to avoid paying for food, I figured the most rational solution was to find another long distance girlfriend who enjoys surprising her man with frequent care packages (chocolate chip cookies and rice krispies treats are by far the best).
The exchange is simple. You provide regular care package service and in return I provide emotional support, validation and the occasional, "You're right! They *are* just jealous!" I'll be the boyfriend that Disney's soulless corporate machine has convinced you you want. Your parents will be happy you finally found someone, your friends and coworkers will be jealous that you have a guy who doesn't routinely try to slip it in the "oops hole," and your stalkers (should you have any) will shake their fists in impotent rage. As long as you're not hung up on tangibility, it's a relationship with everything you could want or need.
Fatties, uggos and the horribly disfigured are encouraged to apply! I don't care what you look like because I'll never see what you look like. Tell me you're the most beautiful woman in the world if it makes you feel better, just don't send pictures.
Exclusivity is not part of the deal. I intend to date other women during our association and it would be hypocritical of me to deny you the same freedom. Go out clubbing every Saturday night and sleep with a different guy each time if you like, just remember to get the cookies in the mail by 5:00 because the post office isn't open on Sundays. I have no allergies, so feel free to extend your experimentation to recipes and ingredients as well.
I live in Los Angeles but am posting this in Dallas because it's close enough to keep shipping charges down but far enough away that you'll never be tempted to track me down in real life. Also, going by the maxim "everything is bigger in Texas" I'm hoping there will be enough baked goods to share with friends.
Good luck and I hope to hear from you lovely ladies soon!
GAME PLAN:
This plan may not work out so well for the lady Crosschippers, but there are options here. E-FACT: Girls have an uncanny ability to persuade other girls or guys into doing things. I’m sure they could come up with some good tactics, but what I was thinking is they could do the following things.
1. Pretend you are a dood looking for a girl to send him baked goods. Easy.
2. Tell this e-girlfriend you can’t talk on the phone, due to economical hardships you have no phone. It’s believable. If they really want to talk to you have a guy friend call every once in a while and split the profits.
3. Send this e-girlfriend emails telling them all the things they want to hear, you know what those things are, you have the upper hand on us doods, E-FACT.
4. Promise to send them things back and DO. Not that often, if they beg, just send them some Meijer cookies re wrapped in a box or something.
OR,
5. Find a ghey dood to bake you shit. Search San Francisco craigslist for this one. LINK: SAN FRAN
Crosschips for the DAY!
Bake yourself any full amount of cookies, brownies, cake, pie whatever, eat it all for your best time! GO!
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